2018 is ending and I honestly want to leave it in the past. This year has brought more pain to me then joy. It did bring many blessings, like my new beautiful daughter Allie and also Chloe starting school, almost done with school and some new experiences.
However, my depression has become stronger and my self worth depleted. This quote from Henry B. Eyring explains exactly what happened.
My loads of full-time school, work, family, and church, and other things I had to balance, brought me a challenge. I thought I was handling them quite fine, but one started failing and soon the rest followed.
The feeling of failure, that I spoke about in a post last year, came rushing back and I doubted myself and my own worth. If I was failing it all, then I was just a failure and not worth anything.
This thinking lead me to doubt God and my faith. Why you ask? All the times I would pray, no answers would come. Not even one. And I was just exhausted of it all. So, I stopped caring. I stopped praying, stopped reading my scriptures, stopped believing in myself, and I have stopped thinking that I am special, for all I am is worthless.
Sounds all too dark? It is, but that is why I write this at the end of the year because this new year, I want to find my worth again. I want to do what I love and do everything to improve myself in all aspects, not just for me, but for my family.
They deserve a better husband, father, and role model. I will work for that!
So this is my official send off to 2018. Though you brought many blessings, I say F*ck you to all the negativity. I leave it and take upon a new approach for 2019. Become the man I can be proud of and love fully, as I look to remove the hate for myself and find to love myself unconditionally.
I leave the doubt and look to work on fortifying my faith, my belief, and my trust in God. Following by becoming the husband and father my girls deserve from me.
2019 will be the year that defines me and I will work to achieve all my goals and the ones set with my wife.
This year will be Positive, full of Love, Growth, Forgiveness, and Acceptance.
Comments