Lately, I’ve been staring at this picture and contemplating it’s meaning. I know many of you would reply with, “well that is the Savior knocking on your door. There is no door knob because you are the one who needs to let Him in”. Yes, I understand the concept the artist created when they first painted the portrait, however, personally, I see it differently. Let me elaborate.
To understand my train of thought, we will need to step away from the original concept. To do this you must ask yourself these questions, why would there be a door with no knob on the outside?, what if I am ashamed or weak to open the door?, or what if I feel there is no hope for me, and see myself as a lost cause? These were the main questions I asked myself when looking at this portrait.
It is taught that the Savior is merciful and loving and will always accept us, even when we fall, but in those times our feelings are like when you make a mistake and need to confront your parents, the thought of being scorned can be stronger than the feeling of being comforted.
In my life, there have been many times I’ve prayed for someone to come to aid me in my sorrows, to lift me up when I have fallen, to burst in, hold me, and tell me everything is going to be alright. But, I felt no one there...no one came...though the door was open, He would not enter due to the many chances he had given me. It made me feel worse, because according to the portrait, He should have entered. It wasn’t until my mission where I realized one thing, He was already in, I was just in another room, hiding.
My father always says, “you either return to the Lord on your time, or His time. His time consisting of major events that shock you back to Him”. Examples of such would be the angel who appeared to Alma the Younger, leaving him struck dead for 3 days until he arose, or even the Lord who appeared to Saul. My father was always courteous to give me space when I needed it, but when he felt that he needed to come into my room, in those very dark moments, he would enter and go to me. He didn’t hesitate, or wait for me to open the door, he came in knowing I needed comfort. My dad was already inside, I was just hiding, and even then, he still came to where I was.
Like my father, the Savior is already inside. How could that be? The door knob is on the left side. In the portrait it isn’t seen, but it is there. I had always believed He was not entering due to my behavior. But, like when I was young, I was hiding somewhere else, believing I was in the main room. He knew I was in need, He knows what we are going through, and understands us completely. He even understands why we are hiding, and in those times is when He comes to where we are. He comes in only when He knows we really need Him.
On my mission, there was a moment, I didn’t feel brave enough to open the door, in fear of what He would say. Ashamed and hiding in my imaginary room, I felt someone enter, calmly, subtly, and peacefully. With no hesitation, this person came into the room I was in, sat next to me, and hugged me tight. It was Him. No words were spoken, no scorning was done, rather a silent moment full comfort, love, acceptance.
Though I was not brave enough to face Him, He lovingly entered knowing I needed Him. The door knob is on the left side for a reason; so that He can burst in to rescue us from the mental attacks of the adversary. The attacks such as you are not worthy enough to open the door, you should be ashamed of yourself, there is no hope, hide, etc. The thoughts that make you feel less than you really are, which makes it difficult to keep the door open. Those moments where you would rather be buried under rocks than face Him. The times, He knows, we need Him the most.
I cherish that experience because it was through that experience where I came to fully understand the love of our Savior. Believe what you want to believe, but just know, there is a door knob on His side, and that He will never forsake you. I know it, because He has not forsaken me, and even though I still make an effort to keep the door open for Him, I am grateful He can enter when I truly need Him.
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