This blog is something that I just wanted to get out of my chest, so apologies if it does not feel as organized as my other blogs.
I've heard many times the phrase "dare to stand alone", from apostles to philosophers all with the message of standing up for what you believe in, even if you stand alone.
I thought I had understood the meaning of their message, and believed I was already doing it. It wasn't until a recent event, that I realized the real struggle of standing alone.
I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My beliefs can be seen as just a man following a church or leaders of said church, like many who are not part of the church or have fallen off would say. But, personally my beliefs are based on one person alone, the Savior, Jesus Christ.
All that I do is centered on Him. What he has taught, what He expects of me, what He did for me, and the gratitude I have for His loving grace. Of course, I am not a saint, nor am I perfect, but everyday my belief gives me the surety that I can be better. I can improve. I can be cleaned.
I was always ashamed to stand up for myself, whether it was spiritually or in general. I had always felt less and not important. I never spoke up, which made it easy for me to just be a follower. My mission taught me to be strong, and fortified my testimony in Christ, and even feel His loving grace. This experience increased my self-esteem and my will to stand up. Ever since I returned, I have not been afraid to share my opinion, especially when I have felt that something was not right or that in my definition was not done correctly.
Now, for those who are part of the world or have left the church, receive these comments as criticism and offensive. This then leads to them defending themselves causing issues all around and finally rejection and blame. Blame, for speaking out for what one believes. Blame, because it is her fault all these issues occurred. Blame, because it is your fault for not disagreeing. Blame, because it is better to blame a church and a belief system, than see the real problem. And what is their solution? Everything will be better if "you" leave the church.
Reality struck me harder than ever. It was like my eyes were opened wide, my mind woke up and inside me a fire lit up once again. I was born to be different and no one can shame me for wanting to be different. It is easier being a part of the crowd but harder to be different. I have since then started back to fortifying my testimony again, because it is not about being on good terms with others, but on good terms with God.
Now, don't misinterpret my words. I respect all thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. However, I expect the same from those around me and to understand that my way of thinking is my way, whether you perceive it right or wrong is how you personally interpret it, but I do expect you to respect my belief as I respect your belief and lifestyle.
That is what lit up. The fact that I wasn't receiving the same respect for my beliefs as everyone was expecting me to provide for theirs. Unfortunately, not being vindictive is still a work in progress, so retaliation occurred. I am working on it. I am humbling myself down and I am focusing on rebuilding bridges where one once stood.
But my all time goal is to not be afraid to stand up for what I believe in, even if that means, I am excluded from groups, or isolated. I know not everyone will have the same belief and I respect that, but on this journey back to our Heavenly Father, I am willing to wander alone as long as I am doing what is right and what will lead me back to Him.
Dare to stand alone!
Again, sorry if this seemed very unorganized, it was just something I need to get off my chest and couldn't wait any longer.
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